Selfish.

I feel pathetically like I just want to go out in the street today and shout 'I AM UPSET!!!!!'. I'm just too worn down to pretend that I'm not anymore. I am really fucking upset and angry and tired and I just want all of this to be over. I want term to be over, I want the wedding to be over, I want the funeral to be over so I can just crawl into a hiding place for the next two weeks. I don't want to have to deal with any of it. I am NOT happy, and I don't know what I should do about it. I don't know how much of it is real unhappiness and how much is manufactured by the stress and everything from the wedding etc. But anyway, fuck it i dont care, I'm past fuckin caring. I'm past fucking being polite and gracious and supportive. I can't help but br selfish and resentful and spiteful. It should be me. Maybe I just need more. No, I do need more. I'm sick of sugar coating things. I need more, I selfishly feel like I deserve more.