Binge.

As I write this I'm bingeing on left over pasta bake. I knew it was in the fridge and I wasn't going to eat it, but I'm sooooooo hungry. I caught myself in such a bad frame of mind and I'm writing this in a desperate attempt to slow down my brain and my actions. I need to take a really deep breath and realise that I'm not thinking/acting rationally. I need to stop reaching for the fork, and the food. This will pass, this will pass. The thoughts will ease and my thinking will slow. Each time I stop typing, I can feel the panic and urgency start rapidly rising in my chest again, but I just need to keep typing until it stops. Just breathe slowly, in and out. This will pass. This will pass.

I hate feeling so out of control when I eat. It makes me think I've overeaten when I haven't. I hate these thoughts. I hate them. This is going to be a bad night, and I dont know what I can do to stop it. I'm on my own for the next three hours, I honestly don't think I can hold off these feelings until then.