Nervous habits, and can I have a day off? Please?

I wish I didn't have nervous habits. It's Saturday evening and I'm sat here on the sofa, feet up on the bf's lap, listening to Placebo, in my pjs and generally just feeling so relaxed, and I'm still picking the shit out of my thumbs, and I don't even know why. I started picking the skin around my fingers and thumbs when I was quite young, probably about 9 or 10. I'd pick them til they bled and even if I put plasters on them, I'd pick the plasters off.

It started as a nervous habit that would calm me down before I went to school, or when I was in uncomfortable situationsand no matter how hard I try, I've not been able to kick the habit for the last 12 or so years. I've managed to get it down to just the thumbs, but I still pick them until they bleed. My bf hates it, and he's tried to help me stop, be so far nothing works. I work with my hands all day so I don't even know when I get chance to do it. It's got to the point where I don't even realise I'm doing it anymore, so it's almost impossible to stop, and a big part of me doesn't want to. It still calms me down, I just wish I didn't do it all the time.

We're going to stay in a hotel tomorrow night, just in town to get away from being in the house and to chill out in luxury for a few hours. I can't wait, I need to just forget about everything and kick back for a little bit. I'm tired of everything being a struggle all the time, so I'm going to try and shove all the crap to the back of my mind for a while and enjoy myself. Some part of me already knows this wont work, and what is more likely to happen is that I'll end up having some sort of emotional melt down, I feel like they're coming every few days at the moment, I'm desperately trying to deal with everything, but it's so difficult, and I just don't even have the time to try and come to terms with everything that has happened recently. I need to talk to someone not involved, maybe I should go back to therapy, but I don't want to have to start again with all that, plus there's always such a long waiting list. I wish I had closer friends, I wish I found it easier to make friends, I wish I wasn't so socially awkward and anxiety ridden all the fricking time. Ugh, this post is turning into such a scattered one, but my mind feels so scattered. I need a break, a holiday or something, I need to find a healthier way of dealing with how much the last few month's events have hurt me rather than slipping back into my eating disorder. It feels too easy, but I know how hard it is to claw my way out of it again. I'm just so tired of fighting everything every single day. I just want a day off, just one day. Please?