Damage control

This weekend has not been good. AGAIN. I honestly can't remember the last time I did have a good weekend eating wise. Yesterday we went to see a couple of Dave's friends who are getting married in 7 weeks so everything was just wedding, wedding, wedding stuff and because we havent told anyone we got 'un-engaged' they kept asking about our wedding and I kept trying to fend them off but then I we went the pub and had a couple of drinks and when they asked next I proper went off on what we were planning and got really excited about stuff, until I realised that it wasn't actually happening and I crashed hard. We got the last train back into town and went out for a guy from work's birthday so I drank more and got upset. I managed not to cause any big arguments which is good, I think I caught myself just before it got to that and came home and went to bed. Today I've just been binging, I've just been craving sweet stuff all day and we have so much of it in the house and I just feel so sick and tired I didn't even try and stop myself.

Since Friday everything has been so stressful cos Dave's having a big family crisis and its pretty scary. I can't go into details, but I don't know whats going to happen and that scares me and my anxiety has been insane. I feel like whenever things are rough the eating disordered part of me seizes the opportunity wriggle its way back in because it knows I don't have the strength to fight it.

I know that today is going to be bad food wise, but I feel like I need to do some serious damage control and make a food plan and STICK to it. I need to stop the b/p'ing and if that means that I end up restricting this week then so be it, I'm trying to take some advice and realise that I cannot fight everything at once. I just can't take the binging anymore, so I'm going to sit down tonight and make a meticulous plan. I haven't got college this week which is both a blessing and a curse, it's nice to have a week off, but it also means I don't have anything to focus on. I need to give myself a project for this week. I want to work out a lot more than I have been doing because I feel so lazy. If I can stick to my plan this week, I think I'll be okay. Valentine's day is gonig to be a hard one to stick to, but I need to try. I just need to try, and if I fail, I'll pick myself up and try again.