Suicidal parents.

Ok, SO, the last post I made I was feeling unbelivably awful, and I felt like I was just failing at everything. That was Monday, and since then things have been INSANE to the point that I don't even know how to feel or what to do.

Basically, and this is cutting a LONG story short, if you read my previous post before the last one I talked about my bf's dad and how he was having a bit of a meltdown. On Tuesday morning (Valentine's day) when my bf was in work he sent him a message basically saying he was off to kill himself. Of course my bf rushed out of work and round to his flat which is fortunately just round the corner, and found that his dad had gone, and there were empty pill boxes everywhere (anti-depressants, sleeping pills, cold and flu stuff, paracetamol, cough syrup etc). So about 11am I got this grief stricken call from my bf asking if I could come round to his dad's because he was there with the police and that he'd gone off and taken loads of pills, so of course I rushed over there. Again, long story short, we spent all of Valentine's Day worried sick, and his dad kept turning his phone on and off, and as horrible as it sounds even my bf said, he was just doing that to check that everyone was running around after him.

The police eventually managed to track his phone to Southport (about 30 miles away from here) and later about 8pm on Tuesday found him in a complete state after taking all the pills and also having alcohol and god knows what else. So they took him to the hospital in Southport and neither me or my bf drive so we couldn't get there at that point. They kept him in Wednesday and he was still just out of it while they got all the stuff out of his system and then we were going to go down today to take him some stuff today but then we found out this morning that they were moving him to a psychiatric unit nearer to where we live. My bf is currently down there taking him his stuff and sorting things out, but he's going to have to get evaluated again at this place before they decide what they're going to do with him next.

I know it's totally hypocritical but I cant help feeling so angry at him. He's done things like this before, but it's obviously always a cry for help/attention seeking thing because he always goes out into public for his 'suicide attempts'. For instance, once he went into a pub, smashed a glass and sliced his wrists in front of everyone. I know from personal experience that if you're serious about killing yourself, you don't do things like that. You stay away from sight of anyone, and whilst yes I know that he must be seriously mentally ill to do all the things he has done, I can't help feeling angry that he does such destructive things that affect so many people. I always say, 'You hurt me and I'll forgive you most days of the week, you hurt someone I love and hell hath no fury!'

I'm trying so hard to be sympathetic, because I know that I've done similar things when I was younger, and I'm defiintely going to sit down and write some pretty serious apologies to my parents and some other people for putting them through what I now know to be such an utterly devastating ordeal.

I've just had to do my best this week to push all my shit to the back of my mind and just be there for my bf and offer as much support as I can. I'm starting to realise just how much of a burden we all put on him, and he needs support as much as the rest of us! He's had to deal with his dad doing things like this since he was really quite young, and it's always fallen to him to deal with it. I'm really not doing well mentally, but I need to be there for him. I'm just waiting for him to let me know he's on his way home so I can make him some dinner, as soon as he went out I started working out like crazy until I thought I was going to be sick and pass out. But in sme weird way, I feel like that helped me to get out some of the issues I've been trying to keep in the last few days.