It's so frickin cold in my house but I'm determined not to put the heating on because we got a bill through today for £529 for gas and leccy!!!!!! We seriously cannot afford that right now, it's insane and I'm proper freaking out cos I don't know what we're guna do but anyway. Just happens to be the absolute coldest time of the year at the moment too, it's barely got above freezing all week so I'm sat here wrapped up in about 10 layers and I'm still freezing. I've always, always been cold for pretty much the last 8 years, so I don't know why I'm not used to it. My bf thinks I'm crazy cos even when we're in the pub sat next to the fire I'm still wearing a t-shirt, a jumper and a hoodie. My circulation is still seriously poor and I still have low blood pressure so it's not surprising really but its just miserable in the winter time :-(

I was meant to be in college all day today, but I came home at lunch time, I just couldn't handle being there. It's horrible because I love college so much, but my anxiety has been so bad this week, just leaving the house has been insanely hard. I went to all my important lessons though and I asked the tutor what we'd be doing and it was just practising what we learnt last week, and it was stuff that I could do at home so that's good at least. I just hare this feeling, I gave up work to do this and now I feel like I'm failing at it, it's horrible and I just want to cry.

When I got home and found that bill it just added to my anxiety ten-fold. My bf calmed me down a bit but then I went on a massive b/p spree. I knew it was coming and I'd been trying to stop it but I just couldn't hold off anymore and as unhealthy it is to say, it actually seemed to make some of my anxiety subside. That is DEFINITELY not a good thing and not something which I will be looking at a coping mechanism! I know I'll be eating again later with my bf though so it's ok, and I will keep that down, even though I know it's Friday and he'll probably want to get something like a take-away, but I need to put my healthy head on and make some better choices. This weekend is going to be super busy and I need all the strength I can get!

Right, he should be home soon so I'm going to go and make some coffee and try and warm these icicles that used to be my fingers!

Have a lovely weekend :-) x